I have finally found freedom, free your mind and the rest will follow, Wait, that’s a song, and it goes much deeper than this as it’s a spiritual growth and one I have signed up for and guess what, I have a newfound freedom, and peace I have never felt before. You’ve heard my spiritual musings of peace, love, hope and faith, and these are my fundamental truths and very much my core beliefs, that will never leave me.
However, there is a glorious thing when we come of age, well finally for me at this stage of life, I now enjoy a much greater sense of freedom. I have been a people pleaser, a Pollyana, most of my life. I am the middle child, apparently waking up with a smile on my face every morning unlike my sleepy disgruntled morning siblings, and my role in my family was to be perfect, to be the peace keeper. I would never want to ruffle any feathers and was conscientious at school in my formative years, (a bit of a rebel in my latter youth). In primary school I was distraught if my report card wasn’t all straight A’s , honours in ballet was the only acceptable result, and perfection was my pinnacle of creation and the only way to get to peace and happiness.
Moving on, I have met and married, (yes twice) a couple of understandably more controlling personalities, the latter in a social disguise. These commanding archetypes completely suited my persona allowing me to try really hard to be the best wife, helper, happy, sweet, kind, loving, lets keep the whole world happy and this role fitted me perfectly well.
Until life as it uncannily does have a way of hitting you over the head with a 2 by 4 and you find yourself in a place of victimhood, a complete shock, sadness and disbelief, wondering “how did I get here” This is not to blame anyone else, I leave that up to God. The only person I can turn to is myself. I chose this. I’ve had to take a good hard look at myself and tried to unravel and discover why I allowed or rather chose unhealthy, toxic situations, always convincing myself it was ok, I can get through. I will keep smiling, dancing, walking on egg shells and keep it all together. Keep everyone happy, for that is paramount, maintaining this false sense of positivity. Until eventually, one final straw, breaks the camels back, and it is not ok.
I found myself enlightened and on an evolutionary journey. A decade long journey of self discovery, “hey, what about me?” I have needs too, I need that extra love and affection. I need to feel valued and supported, I deserve to be cherished and adored. I am a perfectly, imperfectly created human being and others should be able to take care of me too. Not really comfortable for me, I have to admit, but an epiphany none the less. As I had been so accustomed to plugging myself into the lives of others, I had definitely lost my own sense of self. After burying my head in many self help and spiritual books, some sessions with therapists I found the one thing that helped me more than anything, Theta Healing. It made such a difference to my life, allowing me to abandon so many fears, I knew I needed to know more to help others on a similar journey. I took the basic course, and a year later the Advanced Level course and took myself on a beautiful evolutionary journey of self love.
With an overwhelming commitment I had to find my way back to myself which seems so clichéd, aren’t we supposed to do this in our twenties backpacking around the world? I had moved countries with my first husband, South Africa to Canada in my early twenties and was raising two young children and starting my career in the fitness / wellness world, certifying in many different fitness modalities, personal training and nutritional coaching.
Fast forward to my second marriage in Canada and moving to Barbados to discover things were not quite what I believed them to be, or sadly deep down I knew and accepted, until that literal blow where you know “I need to get the hell out of here” which can take many years if one party wants to stall and has done. Hence my even deeper level of spiritual growth, learning acceptance for where I was, doing my best to maintain an attitude of gratitude for which I have so much. Family, friends, my health and incredible Singita Wellness business. I am eternally blessed this provides me so much peace and love, and huge gratification.
I am no longer the victim I am now victorious as the lessons I have learnt are invaluable. I am stronger and now perhaps a little bit of a stickler for not allowing people to walk into my life without a sense of honesty, integrity and stability. and that trust for me does not come nearly as easily. Be impeccable with your word as Don Miguel Ruiz so succinctly explains in his book, The Four Agreements.
Please speak only the words that you mean. I get so easily put off by “I’ll call you later”, and no call comes or let’s get together and no invitation or concrete plan comes together, or any of the various forms of throwing random words out which have no or little meaning or intention. Be truthful with your word, please, show up, stand up, be full of integrity and grace. Please do not waste time with confusion, inconsistency and unnecessary complexities. Above all I choose peace!
I certainly know I’m not perfect, but I now choose my own peace and happiness above all else. If you’ve shown me more than once you cannot keep your word and display any sense of real authenticity, respect, consideration or truth, you don’t deserve my trust or respect. When someone reveals to me who they truly are, I now believe them the first time around. So my new mantra (yes very spiritual) is……..
I’m just going to chuck this in the f…. it bucket and move on!
Peace Out!!!
PS: You can read more about Theta Healing here or email to book a session.